Weekend Warrior Report: Rainism Assassin

I'll Preface this by saying that I talk a lot about the movie "Ninja Assassin." While I say there's no plot points to speak of in the movie, you have been warned.

So last week I had a day off and decided to check out the movie “Ninja Assassin.” I had heard about this movie for some time and remember it being delayed more than once. I had been skeptical about it when I saw the first trailer for it, but I was still curious. This was supposed to be the movie that showcases Korean star Rain (비) and introduces him to the western world. For those who don't know, Rain is Korea's entertainment God. He's been in movies, TV shows and is known in his home country for his flashy dance moves and songs about his “magic stick.” Before I came to Korea, all I knew Rain for was that dude that Steven Colbert had a feud with on his show. After coming to Korea I learned that Rain was trying to break into the American market and wondered how well he could do. Considering that he's more known for his music and his role in a Korean soap Opera, I doubted he could be taken seriously as an action star. (His previous role in a Western movie was in Speed Racer. Despite that steam pile's lack of awesome, he impressed the producers enough to give him a shot at his own movie.)

Turns out I was wrong. Rain does a pretty good job as a ninja. Critics didn't like the movie, but it worked well for me. The movie is gory as hell and the first 5 minutes set the tone for it. I wouldn't say it's a family film, but if you want action and fighting, it's the way to go. Just don't expect a plot. The story in this movie makes “The Transporter” look like high art. It pretty much goes like this: Kid is kidnapped and trained to be a Ninja. Ninja rebels against clan, ninja attacks clan and gets revenge.

I will admit I was expecting A LITTLE more form the plot, but wasn't upset by it. No, I was impressed by . . . . wait for it. . . THE NINJAS!!! Thankfully the director realized he shouldn't let a silly thing like plot get in the way of a good fight. However I would imagine it's tough to make ninjas look cool when they are supposed to be silent stealth killers. Somehow he manged to make things work. I watched this movie and thought “this is exactly how I would expect two ninjas to fight each other.” Sure, there some anime influence here (*cough cough NINJA SCROLL cough*) but it came out well. To barrow from my friend who I was watching the movie with, it has some great action sequences that you can't see well in the dark.

Now the one big thing I wanted to get back to the casting. Rain's co star in this is Naomie Harris (yeah, I don't know her either). She plays a Eruopol Agent who first learns about the strange ninja world Rain lives in. In action movies like this one with paper-thin plots, a girl like this is usually some sort of romantic interest for the lead. What I found odd about this is that she's a black woman. Why is this so odd? Well, besides the usual ethnic issues Hollywood has, I was thinking about the Korean angle. The whole time I was watching this movie, I kept thinking “There is no way in hell Rain kisses this woman.” The nationalist, conservative views of the country as a whole places a lot of value on pure blood. Koreans think very highly of their stars and watch their every move when they venture out into the world to gain fame beyond their boarders. So do I expect one of Korea's spokesmen to come out and kiss a black woman on screen? Hell no. At some point, Rain will want to come home to his native country. No way they accept him doing this, even for a movie. (Remember Romeo Must Die??? Come on!)

So this brings up an interesting point; could Rain kiss anyone else in Hollywood and Korea be OK with it? Yep. However, I think it would have to be a certain caliber actress. Even if his name isn't big in the west (despite me having to break my student's hearts when I tell them that Rain isn't well known in the USA), Korea holds him in a light equal to a Will Smith, Tom Cruise or Bruce Willis. He could go as low as Megan Fox and be alright, perhaps even a Kristen Steward of Twilight fame (I'm sure this would delight the females of my school who read Twilight and are waiting for New Moon to come out this week over here). But Hallie Berry? Nope. Jennifer Lopez? Sorry. Eva Mendez? Try again. Beyonce? Almost but not quite.



So with this in mind, I'm going to start a “Who Will Rain Kiss In his Next Hollywood Movie” betting pool. If you have any suggestions, please let me know so I can make a chart. This could get interesting. Place your bets! He is supposedly reading for parts now. America, it's about to Rain.